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Holiday Jokes

What do elves learn in school?
The elf-abet

What is the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has no L (Noel)

Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
He wanted to sleep like a log.

What Christmas Carol is a favorite of parents?
Silent Night

Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
So he can hoe hoe hoe

What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Frosted Flakes

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite

What kind of bird can write?
A pen-guin

What did the ghost say to Santa Claus?
I'll have a boo Christmas without you.....

Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?
Because every buck is dear to him.

How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
Fleece Navidad

 What does a cat on the beach have in common with Christmas?
Sandy Claws

What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit?
Crisp Cringle

What kind of candle burns longer, a red candle or a green candle?
Neither! Candles always burn shorter

Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
He had low elf esteem

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic

What’s white and goes up?
A confused snowflake

What do you call an old snowman?
Water

What do you sing at a snowman’s birthday party?
Freeze a jolly good fellow

What goes ho-ho whoosh, ho-ho whoosh?
Santa caught in a revolving door

What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish

What goes “oh, oh, oh”?
Santa walking backwards

Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Snow.
Snow who?
Snow use – I’ve forgotten my name again!

When does Christmas come before Thanksgiving?
In the dictionary

What do you have in December that’s not in any other month?
The letter D

Why is it always cold at Christmas?
Because it’s in Decemberrrr

Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy

How does a snowman lose weight?
He waits for the weather to get warmer

Where do snowmen go to dance?
A snow ball

How many presents can Santa fit in an empty sack?
Only one, after that it’s not empty any more

What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Tinsel-itus

How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
Deep and crisp and even

What is Santa’s dog called?
Santa Paws

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
Santa Jaws

What do you get if you cross Santa Claus with a detective?
Santa Clues

What do you call Santa Claus when he doesn’t move?
Santa Pause

How do sheep greet each other at Christmas?
A merry Christmas to ewe

What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?
A pineapple

Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters?
They both drop needles

What often falls at the North Pole but never gets hurt?
Snow

What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum – you can’t beat it

What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?
    
Thanks, I'll never part with it

Why is a burning candle like being thirsty?
Because a little water ends both of them

What did the big candle say to the little candle?
I'm going out tonight

What happens to you at Christmas?
Yule be happy

How long does it take to burn a Christmas candle down?
About a wick  

Why do mummies like Christmas presents?
Because they're wrapped

What did one Christmas Angel say to the other?
Halo there

What is the most favorite elf pet?
An Elfephant

What do elves do when a fellow elf falls down?
They elf em up.

What do snowmen eat for dinner?
Ham Br-r-r-r-r-gers

How do snowmen travel?
Icecycles

What happened when the snow girl broke up with the snow boy?
    
She gave him the cold shoulder

What did the snow girl say to her favorite snow boy?
    
I love you SNOW much

What sort of ball doesn't bounce?
A snowball

How do snowmen clean their teeth?
Ice Picks

Why do reindeer wear fur coats?
They look silly in polyester

Why did the reindeer wear black boots?
Because her brown ones were muddy

How long should a reindeers legs be?
Just long enough to reach the ground

Where does Santa hide his gift to Mrs. Claus?
The Clauset of course

What is the favorite Christmas story for moose?
A Chrismoose Carol

Why did Scrooge keep a pet lamb?
Because it would say "Ba aa aaaa -Humbug!"

What is the favorite Christmas treat for ducks?
Christmas Quackers

What do reindeer say before they tell a joke?
This will sleigh you   

Where does Santa go swimming?
The North Pool

 How do Santa and Mrs. Claus get around?
On an icicle built for two

 Which elf sings "Love Me Tender”?
Santa's little Elvis!

 Why won’t Santa win the No Bell Prize?
His sleigh jingles too much

What do you call Santa when he has no money?
Saint Nickel less 

 Why does Santa like to go down chimneys?
Because it soots him

 Why won’t Santa get sick from going down all the chimneys?
Because he has had his flue shot

What do you say to a bad puppy at Christmas?
Felix Naughty Dog

What does Santa like to eat?
A jolly roll

What happens to women at Christmas time?
They get Santamental 

What do you get if you cross a Yule Log with a duck?

A Fire Quacker 

 If Santa rode a motorcycle, what kind would it be?
A Holly Davidson

What do you call a polar bear wearing ear muffs?
Anything you want. He can't hear you

What do reindeer have that no other animals on earth have?
Baby reindeer

 What do you call a chicken at the North Pole?
Lost 

 If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?
Missile-Toe

 Where does Frosty the Snowman keep his money?
In a snow bank

What happened when Santa's cat swallowed a ball of yarn?
She had mittens

What is red and white and goes up and down and up and down?
Santa Claus stuck in an elevator

 How do you know if there is a reindeer in your refrigerator?
The hoof prints in the butter

What is red and white and red and white and red and white?
Santa Claus rolling down a hill

Did you hear that one of Santa's reindeer now works for Proctor
and Gamble?

It's true…Comet cleans sinks

 Where did the mistletoe go to become rich and famous?
Holly-wood

What does Frosty the Snowman take when he gets sick?
A chill pill

 What kind of pole does Santa Claus use when he goes skiing?
A North Pole

What do you call a cow at the North Pole?
An Eski-moo

How come you never hear anything about the tenth reindeer, Olive?
Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names




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